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Wot Wud U Do is a virtual platform that brings together interactive choice based videos and PowerPoint presentations to actively engage and educate young people.
Hi my name is Jules and this is my Mental Health journey.
Mental health is one of the biggest battles I have ever fought and it still is. You see I have suffered from mental health issues from the age of 12 from what I can remember it was only small things at the start, like anxiety about going to bed and what if something happens to my mom when I’m asleep and I can’t help her in that situation and then it was not wanting to go to school because I was not happy there. I would have struggles socializing with others and being with the crowds because of my anxiety, as I got older it only got worse. I was trying to distance myself from others thinking that if I stay away from the thing that makes me feel bad it will help, but i was wrong, I realize now that maybe it would have been easier if I had just faced my fears head on. I can’t change that now because it’s in the past.
Growing up you get lots of things called hormones, which make things a tad more difficult because it makes you feel things in a way you have not felt before. You can be so much more sensitive and mood swings are insane etc hormones are what made high school hell for me, you see my brain couldn’t handle the drastic changes that were going on in my life. I was so upset and confused at this point and even I didn’t know why and I wanted it to stop.
So I then, at a young age started having suicidal thoughts and I also figured a way out of it for a couple of minutes. I used a bad coping mechanism called self harm. In my head I deserved to feel the pain that I was causing and when I did it it was a sense of relief. Time went on and it wasn’t good at school. I was being excluded and suspended so many times because I was struggling, and I didn’t know how to handle it. The teachers thought that, that was me being a naughty rude teen girl that is always wrong and they never listened! The suicidal thoughts got dangerous because of this, my mom took me out of school and that’s when I was homeschooled until the age of 15.
I liked being homeschooled for a while, it give me a sense of freedom and I was learning new life skills everyday. Then after a while It went down hill from there, I was tired and had no motivation at all because I was doing the same things everyday. It felt like I was in a loop and it was so scary so I decided to speak up and ask my mom weather it would be possible to get back into the school life and make friends and socialize, meet new people and learn new things. It was possible, I did my last year of school and my mental health was at a good time when I was socializing with others and making new friends. I had my ups and downs but so did everyone else I did my GCSEs.
I also met a really cool person from Wot Wud U Do who, at the time, saved me when I felt worthless and like I could help nobody, they helped me get a job and also let me speak, and they would listen and wouldn’t judge me at what I say and do.
My school year then ended and I was very scared for that because I didn’t want to go back to that dark place I was in when I was out of school, so as I finished I made sure to apply for college. Also, at the time we was moving house after living in that house for years it was hard for me to adjust to the new life. I was gonna have to live in new surroundings, it was scary, change is very scary, especially when your on the spectrum with ASD because I had to change my whole routine. We eventually moved out of our house and began a new journey I have to admit I was enjoying it at first and then I went down hill again with my mental health.
I ended up ruining my clean run of no self harm, which I found really upsetting but at the time when I was doing the self harm it felt good and it was a sense of relief for me. The house was all decorated near enough and I had my own sort of hide out in my room again and it felt like home and I felt safe and I started to get back into routine again. I got into college and started football and loved it, until I loved it to much and ended up pushing myself to far and then got seriously injured. It was my ACL, one of the ligaments in my knee I had damaged it and I couldn’t play sport for ages. I was missing games and training sessions and I felt stuck and my mental health then spiraled again. But this time, I ended up getting out of it without harming myself because I found a coping mechanism and it was meditation and music.
It made my head a lot quieter and then I would forget about the thought of self harming. I still use this mechanism to this day and I’m still not fully recovered nor am I fully mentally stable but the truth is, I don’t think I will ever be fully stable because there is to much going on in life for me to be happy all the time. What I can say is I haven’t felt this happy in a while. I go to college happy and come out happy. I have made lots of friends and even now found a partner who is amazing and it helps to have someone else who I know understands me and wants to understand me. I hope to stay happy for the rest of this year without anymore spirals.
I know I will have bumps in the road on the way but the main thing is I have got people to listen and understand my problems when I am feeling a certain way or feeling down. My mental health journey hasn’t been the best but it could be worse and I plan on making it better and living my life the way I want to .
Written by Jules, 16, Preston
If you or someone you know in Preston is experiencing mental health challenges or suicidal thoughts, it’s crucial to seek support promptly. Here are some local and national resources available to assist you:
Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength. These organizations are here to support you through challenging times. If you’re supporting someone else, encourage them to contact these services or consider reaching out on their behalf if necessary.